The year of reflection. Or how it should be, when we start looking back at the year. It’s interesting that we find ourselves in such a disturbing year, yet could there be a more perfect year to sit and reflect on ourselves. As I googled 2020, I came across many websites calling it an angel year. Fitting right? When they talk about the meaning of the numbers, it’s actually pretty fitting. 2 represents duality and the idea that you should help others. 0 represents meditation and finding purpose in life. 20, to trust in your angels and 202, to trust that angels are always with you. I would say that the description is pretty spot on when you look at the crap we’ve been through this year! Within all of the shit, what have you learned? I’m crossing my fingers that you haven’t gone through a year like this, to learn absolutely nothing about humanity. 

The world is burning all around us in California and it makes me feel uncertain. It’s interesting that we find ourselves with such a conundrum. Not only does the pandemic have a stronghold on the world at the moment, we also have the issue of wild fires raging across the state. Wild fires happen every year in California as we reach peak heats and the droughts continue. What happens when a 2020 pandemic throws you for a loop?

It’s tough, when the pandemic rages along with a wildfire, you get confusion. Today as the wildfires rage on in the state, our skies in the bay area darken beyond belief. Never have I experienced this world. A world, where I look up and all I see is darkness during the day. It was 1pm today and it felt like the sun was going down. It felt eerie, it felt like the world was coming to an end. We never knew the difference between the sunrise and sunset today…the only familiar feeling was darkness setting deeper across the sky. This single day could represent 2020 for so many. Darkness setting in without the acknowledgement of sunlight. We know it’s there, but how hard do you have to look to find it? 

My car was covered in ash as we finished moving into our new location today. We had been at my new place for only a couple of hours. To find ash across all of our cars was somewhat disturbing to find. 

The ash will be cleared and the skies will also open up with a ripe sun shining through. The year has still done its damage. Never has there been a year in my life, more catastrophic than 2020. I had several wedding dates changed and ultimately postponed to 2021. Travel has ceased to exist, which is detrimental to anyone that thrives on traveling the world. I also work in retail, which has had deep cutbacks and tough challenges along the way. Any of these things can make for a mild to deep depression within. 

Depression has set in for a lot of people during this time. The social distancing, job loss and insecurity of what could happen next, are all setting in. In America, they are saying that 1 in 3 are suffering some form of depression during these trying times. 

Think of the situation we are in. The pandemic continues to rage on and we have people on both sides, making decisions about their health that could alter their well being or people around them. Tough decisions being made about current jobs. Social injustice has come to the forefront. Not since the days of Martin Luther King JR. have we seen such a strong uprising for equality in the United States. Division within our country is at an all time high. Even recently with the wildfires in California, I see disturbing images of what some think. I’ve actually seen people say that California is getting what it deserves based on a religious context. It’s disturbing that another human being can wish for a natural disaster to take peoples lives. 

In a world that seems so challenged, I still see optimism. I still see families joined together enjoying each others company, listening to songs of joy. I still see people coming into stores, thankful that they are open for just a glimpse of normalcy in their life. I see people taking walks with their dogs and enjoying the summer sun. People reaching out to help strangers when challenges set in. I see happiness all around when I look hard enough. 

What we do have at this current moment is time. Whether you’re an essential worker on the front lines, dealing with the uncertainties, or someone questioning the decision they need to make next. It’s your time to make a decision on reflecting what matters most in your life. 

This year is fucked. 2020 will come and go as a year that created more chaos and disbelief than any year after the great depression. More than ever, it’s your time to reflect on life and what’s important to you. Make your goals for life this year. Take your time and get a deeper understanding of who you are as a human being. You really are more beautiful than you believe at this moment. You can make an impact on years to come. It’s your decision on what the outcome will be. Will 2020 be the year of your demise, or will it be a year that you ultimately decide that you’re going to make life better? Remember that regardless of the darkness you see in front of you, the sun still shines through if you look hard enough.